oh wow...long time coming

I can't believe it's been almost 3 months since I wrote last. I was going through a patch where I didn't feel like what I was writing or doing was worth a whole lot. I didn't have a job and was doing odd jobs like painting. While these were wonderful things to be doing, as I LOVE to paint, I didn't feel like I was accomplishing much in life. And I still question that on a regular basis. I have yet to really find my niche and what it all means. I don't feel like I really fit yet the way I would like to. I think about the people in my life and how happy they are in their jobs and how it seems to me like they know that what they are doing has meaning. I don't feel that yet. I am indeed educating the future of this world. And often times, I worry about that future! (EEEEEK!!!!!) But I am not sure I am really making a difference. I want to make a difference in someone's life! Even if it's just one single person! 

I heard from a fellow teacher the other day about a former student of mine. They were in my class during my second year of teaching. She is now attending a university and taking a biology course. Her mother told me that everything she is learning so far has been a review of my class! That made me feel like I was definitely doing something right. While hearing that was awesome (!!!!), I struggle to feel like I am at that same level 2 years later after I left. I don't feel like I am the same teacher as I was then and I definitely don't feel as though I am doing as good of a job. And that frustrates me! I know I must work my way back into this since I've been out for a little bit. And maybe the students are just different as well. We will see as time goes on.

My new job allows me more time to mess around in the "gym". I am trying some new things and trying to figure out what I want to do with myself! I want to be great at the things I do and the training aspect of myself is the same. I acquired my personal training license in July and have been working with some family members as well as non-family members. They have been steadfast through the times of hardly any equipment to the times with all the equipment we now have and my crazy trials on them! :) I hope they are enjoying what we do, because it is something I truly enjoy doing everyday! While sometimes it is hard to get myself out there everyday, as it is most of the time with anything, I know once I get done I will have loved every single minute of what I just did! And I want to pass that onto people and help them realize that working out and taking care of themselves can be so much fun, and hard work too! 

I will try to not go so long without a post from here on out! Maybe none of you are reading anymore...who knows! And I may even get back into posting some workouts on my other blog. We will see! :) Have a good one! 

it's been awhile again...

it's been awhile since i've written here. i got caught up in my other blog...and i feel like i actually have less time to get stuff done now that i've moved home. which is odd!! but i'll get it all squared away eventually.

i am in waves, north carolina for my last night of vacation. it's been a great week and i am not ready to leave. i love it here and i wonder regularly if i would still love the beach as much if i lived here constantly?? do you think it would wear off? sometimes i feel like i was meant to be near one...i suppose that's possible!

aaron and i share a journal that we write back and forth in...and it's always exciting to receive it. but this week i kept it and haven't sent it back and won't do so until next week. so i took it upon myself to write about a few different topics each day while i was here...so 8 days of vacation = 8 different topics. i felt like it gave me a chance to reflect upon myself and find some things that i really wanted to find out. it doesn't mean any of that went into the journal necessarily...but i felt like i thought a few more things out while i was sitting and bumming on the beach all week! you want to talk about a serious beach bum...that would be me. i think i managed to spend at least 6 hours on the beach each day...if not 6, then damn close! but those 6 hours allow you to do a lot of thinking when you're just chilling.

i don't know where things go from here...my job ends june 30 and i don't currently have anything lined up. my only current plans are to continue painting for my double cousins...which is great because i also find painting to be extremely relaxing. so while i wait for a potential job to work out, i will continue to be a painter! i have a few things in the works and it would be great if they would work out. still gotta plan my personal training test too so i can get to work on that! things have the potential to be very good for me soon. :) just patiently waiting.

bodybuilding...

Posing practice began Monday with Shawn....and yesterday I could only manage to get my right lat to show its little face! Persistence paid off though! Continued to practice today...and I nailed it tonight! I am able to get both out and showing now!!!  Still a little rough with the left, but practice will continue to prove irreplaceable! Judge for yourself!!! 

As I continue to practice and add poses, I will continue to update! :)  Stay tuned!

things are coming together...

may is ending....already. i can't even believe it. it's amazing how fast time goes now...the saying is true...as you get older, time flies! holy cow!

spent the last weekend with the man....GREAT weekend. last time we will get to see each other for at least 6 months. that will be rough, but i have never, ever been more confident that we will be fine through every step of this part of our relationship! christmas time will be incredible i just know...can't wait! as this part of my journey gets easier and easier...it makes me excited for all the things that are to come.

it would seem to me that really the only part that i need to get straightened out now is my job! interview today...pretty excited for it. this job will allow me to stay at home for awhile...which i need and am happy about! keep your fingers crossed everyone. :)

considering starting a new blog...something that chronicles my workout/eating phase that i am currently wrapped up in! i am slowly but surely stocking mom and dad's garage/barn with some kick ass workout equipment. who needs a gym when you can go to your barn and kick some serious ass!!!!!  will also be hoping to stock up dad's garden with a few goodies...and see how i do with my green thumb (is that right???)! recipes of healthy, wonderful, tasty choices...workouts...fitness tips...and just trying to be awesome. (russ i think this is a testament to your blog quite possibly...i want to be awesome!)  i have never felt better physically...or enjoyed more how i am looking physically. i want to be bad ass :)  these are great goals...and i feel a blog devoted to just that would be incredibly sweet!!!  as i get settled in and get things figured out, this will probably begin. look for it in the next few weeks!

ohio weather is making me extremely happy as of late....lots and lots of sunshine with great temperatures. in heaven again :)  hehe  have a great one everyone!!!

there's no better time...

this title could apply to a few things going on right now...

1. TO MOVE HOME. my softball coaching career is winding down...only about 30 days more left. but the best part of that gig has already gone...coaching the girls. they are all home for break now, so it's recruiting time. of which i did not partake in last year...so just summer break for me! while that's all fine and dandy...the girls are the best part of that job. and i will miss them terribly. certain ones that is! i suppose it's good i took this opportunity to coach at this level...as i have decided that coaching softball is no longer a passion of mine. i think i might actually never want to be around it again. that's a shame! but that's why we try things out!

2. TO POST A BLOG! megan held a fundraiser tonight for our relay for life team at mom and dads. had a few glasses of wine...so of course there is no better time than now to post a blog! a little wine to take the edge can probably lead to an interesting blog! we will see! :)

3. TO MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. i feel like right now there is nothing i want more than to get a job with the military teaching at a base in europe somewhere. how could i not want this?! i don't have to pay to get there. i don't have anything holding me to the states. no ring on the finger...no man to stay in town for. hmm...europe is sounding ridiculously good right about now!

4. TO LEARN TO SAY NO. the hardest part about being home is the temptation to eat shit that i don't want to eat! living in the apartment and feeding myself was easy...no extra money spent on stuff i won't eat or stuff i don't need to eat. but now...candy is readily available...ice cream is readily available. i have to learn a whole new level of self control. do i really want to lose another 10 pounds to compete in bodybuilding? yes i want to do it. will it be ridiculously hard to get through the next 3 months? yes! harder to count calories here...we'll see how the next 3 months go in terms of that!

while grad school phase has ended...i have no idea where i go next. i want a job that i have no clue if i'll even qualify for! i keep my fingers crossed for italy....wouldn't it be something to live in italy for a year or two?! oh i can only imagine!!!!

i am independent...and will be for awhile...this is the perfect time to figure out what i want to do and do it. however, that also requires money on most occasions, so i must find something that allows me to make money while doing something new and exciting. maybe then...he'll realize wellington and i aren't soulmates. after being here for a few days...i realize there isn't a lot here that i miss terribly. yes i love seeing my family...but regularly, it's nothing i can't get somewhere else.

wellington....i am officially breaking up with you. something better is going to come along very soon...and i will take it! :)  so long!

On my way....

Second week of may.
..classes officially over for my graduate career!!!! I couldn't be happier thanks to that simple fact! So ready to be completely done with that phase of my life!
I am seeing incredible progress with my workout and diet...hence the picture I have included! That is my first attempt at posing...a little rough but looking pretty good!!! Weighed in at 127 yesterday morning and I am thinking probably another 10 pounds to see what I want to see! I love the amount of energy I have and how good I feel everyday...which I am sure is a testament to both working out and the changes in the food I'm eating! This is something I want....and I will get it!
Job searching is kind of in a lull...so I'm not sure what the next chapter will bring...but I do have to make a decision. Stay in the Youngstown area or move home?? Tough choice...there are reasons for both but I can't determine which one is better. All in due time I suppose!
Now with no classes left...maybe I'll have more time to find myself as well as post more and exciting things!! Hopefully....keeping my fingers crossed!! :)

One part of the journey is comin to a close....

Part 1 of my journey is getting ready to come to a close. Only 2 weeks left of class and I will officially be done with grad school. I will be relieved to be done and not have to worry about classes or homework anymore. Will I use this degree? I have no idea! If not, I am still a better and more educated person for having gotten it.

The other half of part 1 would include softball. We have two weekends of regular season left and hopefully another for the tournament. We should get there as long as we keep playing the way we know how! I believe this part of the journey has a chance of coming to a close as well. I love softball and always will....there will always be a very special place in my heart for the sport but I don't know if I want it as the focus of my life from here on out. If I stuck with it, I'm not sure I would continue at this place or level. The girls have been beyond wonderful and I couldn't have asked for a better group to come in and work with. I've also developed some great friendships thanks to the sport and I will always cherish those!

While part 1 comes to a close, I know there are wonderful things to come in parts 2 and on, even though I have no idea what's next right now. I am not getting hired for any of the positions I have applied for so that is discouraging. However, I have also come to realize that teaching is always something I wouldn't mind going back to. That makes me feel more at ease in my situation. I am studying for my personal training certification as we speak and am very excited about the prospective opportunities that will provide me. I know I can enjoy this full time or part time.

Lastly, I have been working towards that 123 lbs by end of May, however I was stuck in a major rut at 132 lbs for about 2 weeks but good news is I made it off of that damn number!! Down to 130 lbs officially today! My Tuesday changed dramatically because of that as well as my motivation to keep going! It is renewed and I am excited to keep going!

Things are looking up in this one's journey! I will figure out who I am and what I want from life. When? Who cares at this point...I'll figure it out and it will be great getting there! Can't wait!

What are you doing to make yourself better each and everyday?