may is ending....already. i can't even believe it. it's amazing how fast time goes now...the saying is true...as you get older, time flies! holy cow!
spent the last weekend with the man....GREAT weekend. last time we will get to see each other for at least 6 months. that will be rough, but i have never, ever been more confident that we will be fine through every step of this part of our relationship! christmas time will be incredible i just know...can't wait! as this part of my journey gets easier and easier...it makes me excited for all the things that are to come.
it would seem to me that really the only part that i need to get straightened out now is my job! interview today...pretty excited for it. this job will allow me to stay at home for awhile...which i need and am happy about! keep your fingers crossed everyone. :)
considering starting a new blog...something that chronicles my workout/eating phase that i am currently wrapped up in! i am slowly but surely stocking mom and dad's garage/barn with some kick ass workout equipment. who needs a gym when you can go to your barn and kick some serious ass!!!!! will also be hoping to stock up dad's garden with a few goodies...and see how i do with my green thumb (is that right???)! recipes of healthy, wonderful, tasty choices...workouts...fitness tips...and just trying to be awesome. (russ i think this is a testament to your blog quite possibly...i want to be awesome!) i have never felt better physically...or enjoyed more how i am looking physically. i want to be bad ass :) these are great goals...and i feel a blog devoted to just that would be incredibly sweet!!! as i get settled in and get things figured out, this will probably begin. look for it in the next few weeks!
ohio weather is making me extremely happy as of late....lots and lots of sunshine with great temperatures. in heaven again :) hehe have a great one everyone!!!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
there's no better time...
this title could apply to a few things going on right now...
1. TO MOVE HOME. my softball coaching career is winding down...only about 30 days more left. but the best part of that gig has already gone...coaching the girls. they are all home for break now, so it's recruiting time. of which i did not partake in last year...so just summer break for me! while that's all fine and dandy...the girls are the best part of that job. and i will miss them terribly. certain ones that is! i suppose it's good i took this opportunity to coach at this level...as i have decided that coaching softball is no longer a passion of mine. i think i might actually never want to be around it again. that's a shame! but that's why we try things out!
2. TO POST A BLOG! megan held a fundraiser tonight for our relay for life team at mom and dads. had a few glasses of wine...so of course there is no better time than now to post a blog! a little wine to take the edge can probably lead to an interesting blog! we will see! :)
3. TO MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. i feel like right now there is nothing i want more than to get a job with the military teaching at a base in europe somewhere. how could i not want this?! i don't have to pay to get there. i don't have anything holding me to the states. no ring on the finger...no man to stay in town for. hmm...europe is sounding ridiculously good right about now!
4. TO LEARN TO SAY NO. the hardest part about being home is the temptation to eat shit that i don't want to eat! living in the apartment and feeding myself was easy...no extra money spent on stuff i won't eat or stuff i don't need to eat. but now...candy is readily available...ice cream is readily available. i have to learn a whole new level of self control. do i really want to lose another 10 pounds to compete in bodybuilding? yes i want to do it. will it be ridiculously hard to get through the next 3 months? yes! harder to count calories here...we'll see how the next 3 months go in terms of that!
while grad school phase has ended...i have no idea where i go next. i want a job that i have no clue if i'll even qualify for! i keep my fingers crossed for italy....wouldn't it be something to live in italy for a year or two?! oh i can only imagine!!!!
i am independent...and will be for awhile...this is the perfect time to figure out what i want to do and do it. however, that also requires money on most occasions, so i must find something that allows me to make money while doing something new and exciting. maybe then...he'll realize wellington and i aren't soulmates. after being here for a few days...i realize there isn't a lot here that i miss terribly. yes i love seeing my family...but regularly, it's nothing i can't get somewhere else.
wellington....i am officially breaking up with you. something better is going to come along very soon...and i will take it! :) so long!
1. TO MOVE HOME. my softball coaching career is winding down...only about 30 days more left. but the best part of that gig has already gone...coaching the girls. they are all home for break now, so it's recruiting time. of which i did not partake in last year...so just summer break for me! while that's all fine and dandy...the girls are the best part of that job. and i will miss them terribly. certain ones that is! i suppose it's good i took this opportunity to coach at this level...as i have decided that coaching softball is no longer a passion of mine. i think i might actually never want to be around it again. that's a shame! but that's why we try things out!
2. TO POST A BLOG! megan held a fundraiser tonight for our relay for life team at mom and dads. had a few glasses of wine...so of course there is no better time than now to post a blog! a little wine to take the edge can probably lead to an interesting blog! we will see! :)
3. TO MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY. i feel like right now there is nothing i want more than to get a job with the military teaching at a base in europe somewhere. how could i not want this?! i don't have to pay to get there. i don't have anything holding me to the states. no ring on the finger...no man to stay in town for. hmm...europe is sounding ridiculously good right about now!
4. TO LEARN TO SAY NO. the hardest part about being home is the temptation to eat shit that i don't want to eat! living in the apartment and feeding myself was easy...no extra money spent on stuff i won't eat or stuff i don't need to eat. but now...candy is readily available...ice cream is readily available. i have to learn a whole new level of self control. do i really want to lose another 10 pounds to compete in bodybuilding? yes i want to do it. will it be ridiculously hard to get through the next 3 months? yes! harder to count calories here...we'll see how the next 3 months go in terms of that!
while grad school phase has ended...i have no idea where i go next. i want a job that i have no clue if i'll even qualify for! i keep my fingers crossed for italy....wouldn't it be something to live in italy for a year or two?! oh i can only imagine!!!!
i am independent...and will be for awhile...this is the perfect time to figure out what i want to do and do it. however, that also requires money on most occasions, so i must find something that allows me to make money while doing something new and exciting. maybe then...he'll realize wellington and i aren't soulmates. after being here for a few days...i realize there isn't a lot here that i miss terribly. yes i love seeing my family...but regularly, it's nothing i can't get somewhere else.
wellington....i am officially breaking up with you. something better is going to come along very soon...and i will take it! :) so long!
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
On my way....
Second week of may.
..classes officially over for my graduate career!!!! I couldn't be happier thanks to that simple fact! So ready to be completely done with that phase of my life!
I am seeing incredible progress with my workout and diet...hence the picture I have included! That is my first attempt at posing...a little rough but looking pretty good!!! Weighed in at 127 yesterday morning and I am thinking probably another 10 pounds to see what I want to see! I love the amount of energy I have and how good I feel everyday...which I am sure is a testament to both working out and the changes in the food I'm eating! This is something I want....and I will get it!
Job searching is kind of in a lull...so I'm not sure what the next chapter will bring...but I do have to make a decision. Stay in the Youngstown area or move home?? Tough choice...there are reasons for both but I can't determine which one is better. All in due time I suppose!
Now with no classes left...maybe I'll have more time to find myself as well as post more and exciting things!! Hopefully....keeping my fingers crossed!! :)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
One part of the journey is comin to a close....
Part 1 of my journey is getting ready to come to a close. Only 2 weeks left of class and I will officially be done with grad school. I will be relieved to be done and not have to worry about classes or homework anymore. Will I use this degree? I have no idea! If not, I am still a better and more educated person for having gotten it.
The other half of part 1 would include softball. We have two weekends of regular season left and hopefully another for the tournament. We should get there as long as we keep playing the way we know how! I believe this part of the journey has a chance of coming to a close as well. I love softball and always will....there will always be a very special place in my heart for the sport but I don't know if I want it as the focus of my life from here on out. If I stuck with it, I'm not sure I would continue at this place or level. The girls have been beyond wonderful and I couldn't have asked for a better group to come in and work with. I've also developed some great friendships thanks to the sport and I will always cherish those!
While part 1 comes to a close, I know there are wonderful things to come in parts 2 and on, even though I have no idea what's next right now. I am not getting hired for any of the positions I have applied for so that is discouraging. However, I have also come to realize that teaching is always something I wouldn't mind going back to. That makes me feel more at ease in my situation. I am studying for my personal training certification as we speak and am very excited about the prospective opportunities that will provide me. I know I can enjoy this full time or part time.
Lastly, I have been working towards that 123 lbs by end of May, however I was stuck in a major rut at 132 lbs for about 2 weeks but good news is I made it off of that damn number!! Down to 130 lbs officially today! My Tuesday changed dramatically because of that as well as my motivation to keep going! It is renewed and I am excited to keep going!
Things are looking up in this one's journey! I will figure out who I am and what I want from life. When? Who cares at this point...I'll figure it out and it will be great getting there! Can't wait!
What are you doing to make yourself better each and everyday?
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
sorry for taking so long....
late late late! new year's resolution: write more blogs. and i suck at that one!!! :)
however, i feel this will be a rather good one today. turned 27 on sunday (happy birthday to me! haha)...and feeling pretty good about it actually! i feel like this was a good weekend and past week for myself as i figured out some really important aspects of my life!
first...met with willie to get my body fat tested...first time since january 18th i think it was where i came in at 30%. officially...i was at 24.7% on april 4. super pumped about that!!! and i haven't been running....which makes it that much better!!!!!!!!!! eating right...and just flat out kicking some ass in the gym without running does a body good!
two and three have to go right along with the idea of fitness! second...i have decided to get my personal training certification. i am always talking about how i want to make a difference...and i figured what better way to make a difference than helping people get in shape! i love the way i feel and just want more...and i want to help people feel the same way. perfect! so studying begins tomorrow! :)
third...and im a little nervous about this one! i am considering getting into competitive natural bodybuilding! thanks to shawn...my trainer at Team BSS Fitness...i think this is a real possibility! he has confidence in me...and i think it would be fun. i want to get lean and seriously tough...and what better way to do it than this! i think it would be an excellent challenge for myself and now that i can't compete athletically in much else...this is perfect! :) so to start off...
this is where i will officially begin from. weighed in at 133 today (thanks chicago and aaron for gaining 2 pounds over the weekend!!!). these are the best pictures i can get since i am home alone! haha but it's a good way to document where i am at! so now it's out there for the world to know. i am shooting for the fall...still trying to make the decision in my head if really want to do this or not. but i am going to start...shooting to be 123 by the end of may...1 pound a week...it should be good.
and things with aaron...couldn't be better! i am excited for what's in store for the both of us in the future. and i am happy with how things are now. he is freaking fantastic. :)
4 weeks of school left...thank goodness!!!!!
until next time...get out there and kick some ass!!!
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
just a case of the mondays apparently...
apparently yesterday was strictly a horrific case of the mondays! feeling much better today. so my apologies to all of you readers out there for the extremely depressing post! i'm working on it!
back in the swing of things again today...sometimes i think it is strictly having to leave someone for the empty apartment. my mom and megan left yesterday...and i wanted to cry! because i knew there would be nothing but quiet in the apartment for the following hours after they left. i have no desire to do the school work that i have finished...as i don't foresee a job in that field coming anytime soon since i have 0 experience! how i will ever get that experience...who knows!
i'm sitting in class today...of which was pretty boring...and i realized that most of the stuff i have learned in my master's, i don't feel that i will ever use in the real world. talk about discouraging! and it suddenly dawned on me...if i can't find a job in the field i am trying to get into...i will look into teaching online! there are numerous opportunities for this and it would be a perfect way to transition. it would allow me to make money but at the same time do some research into what i want to do. does that mean i'll leave coaching? i have no idea yet. i plan on looking for opportunities in that as well...but as always it is dependent upon being hired.
i don't know exactly who i am yet...i don't know where i want to be in 5 years...let alone 2! 7 weeks left of classes...and i am counting down every stinking minute of it...if i don't get my paper finished in time and get all my other requirements done...oh well. i never understand why people do something they hate? and yet here i am doing exactly that...i am doing something that i hate...i would gladly pay someone to finish for me! :) lol unfortunately i am not sure what i would pay with...as i have no money and am severely in debt.
over the weekend...i listened to aaron discuss all these financial strategies that he learned in bootcamp...and i can't help but think what it would be like to be entirely worry free! i worry everyday about will i have enough money to get gas and food this month?! that's horrible! how am i supposed to toy with the idea of ever buying a house...or ever having children?! eek!
although i have absolutely nothing figured out...as most people don't i assume...i suppose i'll just take whatever is thrown at me. some of these things make me miserable (paper being one)...while others have made me extremely happy! i don't know what's going to happen in the next 7 weeks with the wrapping up of my master's...and honestly i am not really sure if i even care at this point if i get it...would it be a royal waste of my money?? yes definitely. but would i still be able to find a job?? yes definitely. pros and cons of not finishing your master's degree at this point?? hmm...maybe tomorrow.
back in the swing of things again today...sometimes i think it is strictly having to leave someone for the empty apartment. my mom and megan left yesterday...and i wanted to cry! because i knew there would be nothing but quiet in the apartment for the following hours after they left. i have no desire to do the school work that i have finished...as i don't foresee a job in that field coming anytime soon since i have 0 experience! how i will ever get that experience...who knows!
i'm sitting in class today...of which was pretty boring...and i realized that most of the stuff i have learned in my master's, i don't feel that i will ever use in the real world. talk about discouraging! and it suddenly dawned on me...if i can't find a job in the field i am trying to get into...i will look into teaching online! there are numerous opportunities for this and it would be a perfect way to transition. it would allow me to make money but at the same time do some research into what i want to do. does that mean i'll leave coaching? i have no idea yet. i plan on looking for opportunities in that as well...but as always it is dependent upon being hired.
i don't know exactly who i am yet...i don't know where i want to be in 5 years...let alone 2! 7 weeks left of classes...and i am counting down every stinking minute of it...if i don't get my paper finished in time and get all my other requirements done...oh well. i never understand why people do something they hate? and yet here i am doing exactly that...i am doing something that i hate...i would gladly pay someone to finish for me! :) lol unfortunately i am not sure what i would pay with...as i have no money and am severely in debt.
over the weekend...i listened to aaron discuss all these financial strategies that he learned in bootcamp...and i can't help but think what it would be like to be entirely worry free! i worry everyday about will i have enough money to get gas and food this month?! that's horrible! how am i supposed to toy with the idea of ever buying a house...or ever having children?! eek!
although i have absolutely nothing figured out...as most people don't i assume...i suppose i'll just take whatever is thrown at me. some of these things make me miserable (paper being one)...while others have made me extremely happy! i don't know what's going to happen in the next 7 weeks with the wrapping up of my master's...and honestly i am not really sure if i even care at this point if i get it...would it be a royal waste of my money?? yes definitely. but would i still be able to find a job?? yes definitely. pros and cons of not finishing your master's degree at this point?? hmm...maybe tomorrow.
Monday, March 19, 2012
back in this place of loneliness...
spring break trip is over...back in austintown. i had the greatest weekend in the last 6 weeks...and i wish it would never have ended. i am now back in the place where i feel more alone and empty than ever before. i feel i have no direction in my life. i am in love with someone who knows exactly what he wants and is going after it...and i am in a place where i have no idea what i want...and have no clue what the next step is when my current job is finished in 3 months. i want to have a purpose...feel like i'm changing something or making a difference...anything. and i have no idea what will allow me to do that. no idea where to look...and i'm getting a master's degree in something that will probably never help me accomplish any of that. a degree that i will probably never use because of my lack of experience.
i hate coming back to this place...i feel like there is not much to look forward to...i don't enjoy going to class...i don't enjoy being in this town/apartment...the only thing i enjoy half the time is softball. i want out of here.
i want it to be september of next year...when he'll be done. i am lonely...i miss talking to him...seeing him...touching him...anything with him! it probably would have been easier not to see him for the next year...after seeing him i want to see him every day. i am so extremely proud of him and i want him to do everything he wants to do. i am just being selfish...he is ok with not seeing me. i wish i could be that strong...
i am counting down...counting down to the end of school...but yet i have no idea what comes next...after that i don't have a job. i don't have school to go to. i have literally nothing to look forward to...aaron will be making his way to california for training. NOTHING...what do i do? i can't afford to go anywhere...i can't afford to do anything. i feel like everything is falling apart all at once...just keeps crumbling. what else can possibly crumble at this point???
trying to beat this feeling of loneliness and emptiness...but i don't know how....
i hate coming back to this place...i feel like there is not much to look forward to...i don't enjoy going to class...i don't enjoy being in this town/apartment...the only thing i enjoy half the time is softball. i want out of here.
i want it to be september of next year...when he'll be done. i am lonely...i miss talking to him...seeing him...touching him...anything with him! it probably would have been easier not to see him for the next year...after seeing him i want to see him every day. i am so extremely proud of him and i want him to do everything he wants to do. i am just being selfish...he is ok with not seeing me. i wish i could be that strong...
i am counting down...counting down to the end of school...but yet i have no idea what comes next...after that i don't have a job. i don't have school to go to. i have literally nothing to look forward to...aaron will be making his way to california for training. NOTHING...what do i do? i can't afford to go anywhere...i can't afford to do anything. i feel like everything is falling apart all at once...just keeps crumbling. what else can possibly crumble at this point???
trying to beat this feeling of loneliness and emptiness...but i don't know how....
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