2011 is drawing to a close...which also means my time with a certain special someone is also winding down. We have just about a month left to go. He leaves January 23rd. I don't think I'm ready...he's totally ready! As each day passes, I realize a little more how much things will change and how hard it will all be. It's difficult to think about as well as talk about, but I know the rewards of this can be incredible! I am so excited for Aaron to start this journey and I don't think I've probably every told him that. (I should probably do that huh?!) He is an extremely smart and strong person and I can't think of a challenge that would be better suited for him. Mentally being challenged every day is something I think he wants more than anything...and this will for sure be a mental challenge each and every day. I want to be the "cheerleader", as I told my uncle this past weekend. I am ready to be his cheerleader for the next 2 years, or whatever it may take. Am I ready to not see his face every day, or not hear his voice every day? No...but I think I can deal with that as it comes. I am excited to receive letters in the mail and send him letters. We did this for a short period of time while he was in Madison, WI for school and opening the mail every day to look for a letter was exciting!
When I think about what we are about to go through, I think of my grandparents. My grandparents never met before they started talking. My grandfather was at camp to enter World War II and a buddy of his (who I believe happened to be married to someone in my grandmother's family) was writing to someone and offered up my grandmother's name for him to write to. (I could be a little off on details...but I know this is damn close!) He started writing and my grandmother wrote back. This is how their relationship began and blossomed from there on. They were married for over 50 years and happy! I have read some of these letters as my grandmother kept every single one she received from my grandfather, and she also has some that he kept from her. It's an incredible story and I'm so glad that she kept the letters. It's astonishing! :) I can't help but think of that when I think of Aaron leaving and what we're about to go through. Is it to this extreme? No, but it still has it's own excitement! :)
I may not be ready for this...but if I want to keep what I have...I better get ready! Every day I look for some type of inspiration or motivation that will show me how to be ready...I will need it every single day that he is gone. I am excited at what could possibly come in 2 or 3 years...the potential to go somewhere with an amazing person. Any suggestions on great ways to make a long distance relationship work would be much appreciated! :) I'm looking at a long 2-3 years!!!
Til next time...:)
Monday, December 19, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Early resolutions...
New years is just a few short weeks away...and surprisingly I've already been thinking of my resolutions! I have really only made one in the past...and I actually stuck to it. It was about 3 years ago I think, I made a resolution to run 3-5 times a week...and I stuck to it for 5 months! :) ha So my goal this year is to make some resolutions and actually stick to them for 12 months! Lofty...but I can do it!
I'll wait for New Year's to get a little closer before I reveal my resolutions...I am going with more than 1! I challenge you to do the same though. Pick a resolution whether it's something to do with working out, saving money, reading more, eating healthier, spending more time with certain people, avoiding procrastination, or to write in a daily journal...just pick something and make it realistic! I get frustrated when I see or hear of people who make these lofty goals, when in all reality, they are virtually unattainable. Will you actually work at something you know you can't attain? No! No one in their right mind will work towards something that is unattainable. Give yourself room to adjust to all of the crazy things that life throws at you. Running 3-5 times a week...that allowed me to run as few as 3 times a week or up to 5..so if one week was just jammed pack with stuff...I only had to find 3 days worth of time to go out for a run. And I didn't put a specification on how far I had to run. Just telling yourself to go run and actually doing it is so much better than saying oh I have to go run 9 miles today. That's a daunting task I just put ahead of myself. Leave yourself room to adjust!!!!
I'd love for you to share those resolutions with me! :) And I hope to keep updated with your progress as we go! One of mine may have something to do with adding some pictures to this lovely blog...words are boring all the time!! Who wants pictures?! :) haha Have a good one everybody!
I'll wait for New Year's to get a little closer before I reveal my resolutions...I am going with more than 1! I challenge you to do the same though. Pick a resolution whether it's something to do with working out, saving money, reading more, eating healthier, spending more time with certain people, avoiding procrastination, or to write in a daily journal...just pick something and make it realistic! I get frustrated when I see or hear of people who make these lofty goals, when in all reality, they are virtually unattainable. Will you actually work at something you know you can't attain? No! No one in their right mind will work towards something that is unattainable. Give yourself room to adjust to all of the crazy things that life throws at you. Running 3-5 times a week...that allowed me to run as few as 3 times a week or up to 5..so if one week was just jammed pack with stuff...I only had to find 3 days worth of time to go out for a run. And I didn't put a specification on how far I had to run. Just telling yourself to go run and actually doing it is so much better than saying oh I have to go run 9 miles today. That's a daunting task I just put ahead of myself. Leave yourself room to adjust!!!!
I'd love for you to share those resolutions with me! :) And I hope to keep updated with your progress as we go! One of mine may have something to do with adding some pictures to this lovely blog...words are boring all the time!! Who wants pictures?! :) haha Have a good one everybody!
Thursday, December 8, 2011
chugging away...
I feel like I am on a constant roller coaster ride...and the pathetic thing is...I don't really like them!!!! One day I feel great about what's happening...the next day I dread what might occur. I often find myself telling myself (???what?!) to just be happy and go with it...it's like Dory from Finding Nemo...just keep swimming, just keep swimming. "Just keep smiling, Just keep smiling." eek!
I finally think I've determined what I want to do when I'm finished with this master's degree...and the funny thing is...I don't need a master's degree in anything to do it! But it requires 3-9 months probably of studying to prepare myself for the certification exam. We're looking at May or June before I even think of taking the test. Then it's job search time..and where. Wellington (Mom, Dad, Megan, family would all love this!)? Columbus (Frank and Miranda would love this!)? Out of Ohio (Aaron would love this!)? Where would I love to go?! Not sure. I'm afraid of being somewhere on my own without any friends or any family. I would miss that security terribly. But, I feel like there isn't much left in Wellington for me (growth wise). I don't feel I would grow as a person if I went back there permanently. I'll just have to wait and see I suppose....
On another note...Waiting...for certain words...certain gestures...from you...will they ever come? Who knows? How are you doing? What's wrong? Is everything ok? Do you need anything? I love you. All things I am dying to hear. Maybe I am expecting too much. I am head over heels...but you are leaving...for an extreme period of time...and I won't hardly get to talk to you or see you. Will I be strong enough to do it? Is it worth it? Only time will tell...
Lunges....3240 and counting!!! Added weight to some of my lunges today....should feel it tomorrow. Getting my ass in shape...now that's a priority if I've ever heard one! haha Til next time...
Saturday, December 3, 2011
It's been awhile...
It's been awhile...just over a week. I lost my aunt to lung cancer this past week...such a short period of time between knowing about it and then losing her. The last major memory I have of her being healthy (before we knew anything) was the Relay for Life dinner cruise on Lake Erie. I had been on this cruise with her the past two years...and many other family members. Based on stories I've heard over the past few days...this was typical of my aunt. She was fun-loving, wild, crazy, a kid at heart. And I feel I got the chance to witness some of that. She didn't need alcohol to be a blast...she was just simply that way! Dancing around the pole on the boat...I loved every minute of watching her...and I'm pretty sure she loved every minute that she was on that boat! We didn't win much money that night...but we had an absolute blast with everyone! I am glad that is one of the last memories I have of her being healthy....being 100% of who she was!
It's hard to think about never seeing her again...I will never get to laugh again with her...I will never get to just sit and chat with her. What happens at this point? At death? Where does the soul go? Does she live on in another realm? Such a perplexing part of life...and we'll never really know what happens. Maybe that's it...maybe that's where it all ends. I hate to think that's how it is.
This event was something I hope to learn from. Although it seems like we'll always have each other and our families...you honestly never know what will happen. She was doing well two weeks prior...and now she's no longer with us. I hate to say...it's such a cliche...something like this makes you have an appreciation for life and to not take for granted what you have. I always say..oh I'll see them next week. But you never know when you won't have that next week.
Running this week has proven to be a very good thing for me. When I felt I couldn't deal with my aunt's death, I laced up the shoes and hit the pavement. It's a perfect time to let your mind go...and not think about anything but the sound of your feet hitting the pavement...your breathing...the feel of your heart beating. Thursday....51 minutes of absolute freedom...where nothing else matters at that point. 51 minutes where I can cry and yell and scream...and it will be just me. Thank you running...I appreciate that! Speaking of running...it's time to hit the pavement again.
I love you Aunt Peggy and will always remember your spunkiness! :) May you rest in peace.
It's hard to think about never seeing her again...I will never get to laugh again with her...I will never get to just sit and chat with her. What happens at this point? At death? Where does the soul go? Does she live on in another realm? Such a perplexing part of life...and we'll never really know what happens. Maybe that's it...maybe that's where it all ends. I hate to think that's how it is.
This event was something I hope to learn from. Although it seems like we'll always have each other and our families...you honestly never know what will happen. She was doing well two weeks prior...and now she's no longer with us. I hate to say...it's such a cliche...something like this makes you have an appreciation for life and to not take for granted what you have. I always say..oh I'll see them next week. But you never know when you won't have that next week.
Running this week has proven to be a very good thing for me. When I felt I couldn't deal with my aunt's death, I laced up the shoes and hit the pavement. It's a perfect time to let your mind go...and not think about anything but the sound of your feet hitting the pavement...your breathing...the feel of your heart beating. Thursday....51 minutes of absolute freedom...where nothing else matters at that point. 51 minutes where I can cry and yell and scream...and it will be just me. Thank you running...I appreciate that! Speaking of running...it's time to hit the pavement again.
I love you Aunt Peggy and will always remember your spunkiness! :) May you rest in peace.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Thankful for what I have...
Happy Thanksgiving to everyone!
I wanted to do a brief post today. I am truly thankful for the family that I have in my life. It's a stressful time like now, that we are going through, that allows you to see what people are really made of. I have what must be the best family members anyone could ask for! They put others before themselves no matter what and are willing to do whatever it takes to care for them. I am also truly thankful for people who are understanding. I wouldn't be at home getting the chance to spend time with this special person if it wasn't for people who truly had a good heart and understood that some things are far more important!
November is Lung Cancer Awareness month. Please be aware of things you can do to keep yourself healthy. I love my aunt very much and hate that I have to see her going through this. Lung cancer...you are a bitch! We may not beat you this time...but we will beat you...and very soon!
I wanted to do a brief post today. I am truly thankful for the family that I have in my life. It's a stressful time like now, that we are going through, that allows you to see what people are really made of. I have what must be the best family members anyone could ask for! They put others before themselves no matter what and are willing to do whatever it takes to care for them. I am also truly thankful for people who are understanding. I wouldn't be at home getting the chance to spend time with this special person if it wasn't for people who truly had a good heart and understood that some things are far more important!
November is Lung Cancer Awareness month. Please be aware of things you can do to keep yourself healthy. I love my aunt very much and hate that I have to see her going through this. Lung cancer...you are a bitch! We may not beat you this time...but we will beat you...and very soon!
Friday, November 18, 2011
Friday, Friday, Friday!
Ahhh Friday. No matter what, you always have a way of making me feel better about everything! :) I have entered back into the world of modern technology recently...SMARTPHONE! So happy to be back with my smartphone...however...it was kind of refreshing not to have one as well!
Laying in bed last night, while Aaron slept away next to me, I realized a little something about myself. And this may be why I am struggling currently in certain parts of my life...I am so used to always being good at something. I always had sports to fall back on...I excelled in the sports I participated in...and that made everything else I did worth it. I couldn't play sports if I didn't do well in school so that was my motivation. Now, what is my motivation??? I guess I want to feel great at something again and have that be my purpose for what I'm doing. I'm coaching..and my coaching relies on me being in school again...but it just doesn't feel the same as it did when I played.
The summer before I moved to Youngstown, I met up with a few of my aunts, cousins, mom, and sister to work out twice a week at mom and dad's pool. I felt like I was in heaven for this hour of working out with all of those wonderful women! I loved the feeling I got motivating them to push themselves past a point that they had never pushed themselves to before. I looked forward to those evenings every week, because I knew that the entire time I was there, I would thoroughly enjoy what I was doing and the people I was doing it with. I wanted to help them feel better about themselves, but I also wanted to kick their asses every night so that they could reach a goal they set for themselves. I am not sure if they actually reached their goals, but I know for a fact they felt better about themselves and were physically feeling better. Unfortunately, I left town, and they stopped. And I wish everyday that I could be back there still doing that with them. And not only did I enjoy motivating them, they motivated me to keep doing what I do in terms of keeping myself healthy. It was a win-win situation!
On a lighter note, I am getting my ass back outside and running! :) Oh cold weather how I hate you!!!! However, Youngstown has the best park to offer for a runner, Mill Creek! And I can't wait to go spend an hour or so in that beautiful place with just my running shoes and my thoughts! :) (oh ya and Aaron too! lol) Have a fabulous weekend! :) I know I will!!!!
Laying in bed last night, while Aaron slept away next to me, I realized a little something about myself. And this may be why I am struggling currently in certain parts of my life...I am so used to always being good at something. I always had sports to fall back on...I excelled in the sports I participated in...and that made everything else I did worth it. I couldn't play sports if I didn't do well in school so that was my motivation. Now, what is my motivation??? I guess I want to feel great at something again and have that be my purpose for what I'm doing. I'm coaching..and my coaching relies on me being in school again...but it just doesn't feel the same as it did when I played.
The summer before I moved to Youngstown, I met up with a few of my aunts, cousins, mom, and sister to work out twice a week at mom and dad's pool. I felt like I was in heaven for this hour of working out with all of those wonderful women! I loved the feeling I got motivating them to push themselves past a point that they had never pushed themselves to before. I looked forward to those evenings every week, because I knew that the entire time I was there, I would thoroughly enjoy what I was doing and the people I was doing it with. I wanted to help them feel better about themselves, but I also wanted to kick their asses every night so that they could reach a goal they set for themselves. I am not sure if they actually reached their goals, but I know for a fact they felt better about themselves and were physically feeling better. Unfortunately, I left town, and they stopped. And I wish everyday that I could be back there still doing that with them. And not only did I enjoy motivating them, they motivated me to keep doing what I do in terms of keeping myself healthy. It was a win-win situation!
On a lighter note, I am getting my ass back outside and running! :) Oh cold weather how I hate you!!!! However, Youngstown has the best park to offer for a runner, Mill Creek! And I can't wait to go spend an hour or so in that beautiful place with just my running shoes and my thoughts! :) (oh ya and Aaron too! lol) Have a fabulous weekend! :) I know I will!!!!
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
Mixed Emotions
I received a very awesome message today in my facebook messages! Thank you so much...you know who you are! :) It's a simple message like this...or like the one a certain someone left as a comment to my last post...that makes you really think about things! You both really gave me a good smile!
I know that there are many people that have it far worse than I do...I am not oblivious to that fact. I just don't understand why we go down paths we do sometimes. Why am I in graduate school for biology? I don't really have an ounce of desire to do any type of research...but I have yet to figure out what I can do with this degree. Why didn't I go into business? I want to work in sports...that would have been the smartest of ideas! And it only took me 3 semesters of school to figure that out? What the hell was I thinking? I have no clue where this path is going to lead me...and where I'm going to end up come May. I hope I don't offend anyone...but I don't believe in a higher being...so I can't say well so and so will get me through this and take me where I need to go. My path is my choice...no one picks it for me. But how do we know whether or not it's the right path? What if it's the wrong one? Then what do we do?!
Today was a rough day for me in general. I am not good at coping with stressful situations...I don't hide my frustration well...and surprisingly I don't think I work well with others. Which this is something I thought I used to be extremely good at. Funny how things change! And I don't enjoy living alone!!! ahh!
One a side note...I surpassed my 1000 lunge mark on my quest for 10,000. I feel very accomplished in this...because I woke up today and was actually able to move! Whereas, all last week, I felt like someone put rocks in my leg muscles! Feeling good and strong today...lunges will commence for the day around 10:00 today so we'll see how good I really feel then. However, unexpected commitments came up today so I didn't get a run in and I am not happy about this. I was lazy this morning after my two hour tutoring session and went back to sleep...get out bed you lazy ass! I'll make up for it tomorrow with a kick ass treadmill workout. If anything, I will do my best to keep running and working out...because at the end of the day, I feel far more accomplished when I have done either of those two things.
Considering...starting a workout blog...where I just put up different workouts that I do, and offer advice to anyone who may want it. even though I am not a professional...I do enjoy it! We'll see...I'm kind of swamped right now with school and work...so maybe that will have to wait! :)
Again, thank you so much to the two of you that offered such sound advice....it really meant the world to me! :) And I hope you keep reading!!!
Have a terrific Tuesday! :) And a Wonderful Wednesday! :)
I know that there are many people that have it far worse than I do...I am not oblivious to that fact. I just don't understand why we go down paths we do sometimes. Why am I in graduate school for biology? I don't really have an ounce of desire to do any type of research...but I have yet to figure out what I can do with this degree. Why didn't I go into business? I want to work in sports...that would have been the smartest of ideas! And it only took me 3 semesters of school to figure that out? What the hell was I thinking? I have no clue where this path is going to lead me...and where I'm going to end up come May. I hope I don't offend anyone...but I don't believe in a higher being...so I can't say well so and so will get me through this and take me where I need to go. My path is my choice...no one picks it for me. But how do we know whether or not it's the right path? What if it's the wrong one? Then what do we do?!
Today was a rough day for me in general. I am not good at coping with stressful situations...I don't hide my frustration well...and surprisingly I don't think I work well with others. Which this is something I thought I used to be extremely good at. Funny how things change! And I don't enjoy living alone!!! ahh!
One a side note...I surpassed my 1000 lunge mark on my quest for 10,000. I feel very accomplished in this...because I woke up today and was actually able to move! Whereas, all last week, I felt like someone put rocks in my leg muscles! Feeling good and strong today...lunges will commence for the day around 10:00 today so we'll see how good I really feel then. However, unexpected commitments came up today so I didn't get a run in and I am not happy about this. I was lazy this morning after my two hour tutoring session and went back to sleep...get out bed you lazy ass! I'll make up for it tomorrow with a kick ass treadmill workout. If anything, I will do my best to keep running and working out...because at the end of the day, I feel far more accomplished when I have done either of those two things.
Considering...starting a workout blog...where I just put up different workouts that I do, and offer advice to anyone who may want it. even though I am not a professional...I do enjoy it! We'll see...I'm kind of swamped right now with school and work...so maybe that will have to wait! :)
Again, thank you so much to the two of you that offered such sound advice....it really meant the world to me! :) And I hope you keep reading!!!
Have a terrific Tuesday! :) And a Wonderful Wednesday! :)
Monday, November 14, 2011
Life Satisfaction
On Wednesday, I took a health screening at the university. Physically, my numbers are all excellent...super happy about this! Finally, it's not telling me I need to lose weight either! Thank goodness! Once you finish the actual health screening, you then fill out an online health assessment. I did this today. Answered question after question about how I take care of myself, what I eat, stress, how satisfied I am with my job, etc. When finished, it tells you the top 3 things to work on. What do I get? Life Satisfaction.
Life Satisfaction: I know I'm lacking in this area. How do I change it? Do I want to be satisfied? I don't feel like I ever want to be satisfied...otherwise I feel like there isn't much to look forward to from there. But maybe I am wrong. I come to work every day...I do my job...but I don't exactly love every minute of it. I like the times when it's just me with my athletes. Any other time, not that happy to be here. How do I change this? It's hard to look past certain things...and should you look past things that frustrate you about your job every single day?!
I want to wake up excited everyday to go to work. I know part of this is because I feel like every hour of my day is filled with something and I don't always get to do the things I want to do. Once I go home from work, it's time to tutor and do homework all night. Does that mean I actually do the homework? Not necessarily, but I know it's there and I have to do it at some point. I will be excited for the day that when I leave work, the possibilities for my evening are endless!!! I can work out for 4 hours if I want to...or I can sit and read an entire book about whatever I want! That will be here in May...but why can't I find satisfaction until that point?
How do you find satisfaction in what you do everyday? Are you satisfied with your life? Looking for ways to be satisfied...help!
Life Satisfaction: I know I'm lacking in this area. How do I change it? Do I want to be satisfied? I don't feel like I ever want to be satisfied...otherwise I feel like there isn't much to look forward to from there. But maybe I am wrong. I come to work every day...I do my job...but I don't exactly love every minute of it. I like the times when it's just me with my athletes. Any other time, not that happy to be here. How do I change this? It's hard to look past certain things...and should you look past things that frustrate you about your job every single day?!
I want to wake up excited everyday to go to work. I know part of this is because I feel like every hour of my day is filled with something and I don't always get to do the things I want to do. Once I go home from work, it's time to tutor and do homework all night. Does that mean I actually do the homework? Not necessarily, but I know it's there and I have to do it at some point. I will be excited for the day that when I leave work, the possibilities for my evening are endless!!! I can work out for 4 hours if I want to...or I can sit and read an entire book about whatever I want! That will be here in May...but why can't I find satisfaction until that point?
How do you find satisfaction in what you do everyday? Are you satisfied with your life? Looking for ways to be satisfied...help!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Challenge!
Due to a recent Nike ad, which you can find on my pages page (??), my boyfriend offered up a nice little challenge when he saw it. So I'm taking on that challenge! 10,000 lunges!! My goal is to finish this by Christmas which means I should do 400 lunges a day (200 each leg) for 5 days a week and I will be able to finish! I started yesterday...200 total (100 each leg). And yes...I am definitely feeling it especially since I did them right after a 4 mile run!
There's nothing like a good challenge. I am extremely competitive and love to have a goal to reach. I have a goal to run a marathon next year, and that challenge is going very well so far, as my long run is up to 10 miles. I plan to complete a half-marathon either this weekend or next (not organized though). Competition sometimes brings out the best in people...and I'm hoping this 10,000 lunge competition will bring out the best in me in a different light! Can I do it?! Hell ya! I challenge you to join me...and keep me posted on your success! I will do my best to make sure I keep you all updated regularly on my progress!!
Lunge away! :)
There's nothing like a good challenge. I am extremely competitive and love to have a goal to reach. I have a goal to run a marathon next year, and that challenge is going very well so far, as my long run is up to 10 miles. I plan to complete a half-marathon either this weekend or next (not organized though). Competition sometimes brings out the best in people...and I'm hoping this 10,000 lunge competition will bring out the best in me in a different light! Can I do it?! Hell ya! I challenge you to join me...and keep me posted on your success! I will do my best to make sure I keep you all updated regularly on my progress!!
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
We're off!
And so this journey begins...I'm not the most talented writer...but it will improve with time (I hope!). Recently, I have noticed a change in myself and feel it is time to find a meaning! I want things...but I don't know exactly what. I want to do things...but I don't know exactly how. I want to be successful...but I don't know at what. I want to find what defines me as a person...what makes me, me...and what makes me tick. What am I passionate about? I have no idea. Where do I want to be in 5 years? I have no idea. I feel like there are so many questions you get asked on a daily basis...and I have no idea how to answer them. I am hoping that this blog and writing will help me discover a little more about myself and what my true passions in life are as well as what I dream to do!
I also want to use this as a way for me to chronicle my daily/weekly goals, struggles, triumphs, etc. I want a place where I can openly talk about what I am doing and not feel judged! I want to tell you what I did today, and you truly enjoy hearing about it:) When I go for a run, I want to come in and say exactly what that run felt like and what went through my mind every step of the way. I want to just write about any and everything!!!!
I also want to use this as a way for me to chronicle my daily/weekly goals, struggles, triumphs, etc. I want a place where I can openly talk about what I am doing and not feel judged! I want to tell you what I did today, and you truly enjoy hearing about it:) When I go for a run, I want to come in and say exactly what that run felt like and what went through my mind every step of the way. I want to just write about any and everything!!!!
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