time is winding down...

2011 is drawing to a close...which also means my time with a certain special someone is also winding down.  We have just about a month left to go.  He leaves January 23rd.  I don't think I'm ready...he's totally ready!  As  each day passes, I realize a little more how much things will change and how hard it will all be.  It's difficult to think about as well as talk about, but I know the rewards of this can be incredible!  I am so excited for Aaron to start this journey and I don't think I've probably every told him that.  (I should probably do that huh?!)  He is an extremely smart and strong person and I can't think of a challenge that would be better suited for him.  Mentally being challenged every day is something I think he wants more than anything...and this will for sure be a mental challenge each and every day.  I want to be the "cheerleader", as I told my uncle this past weekend.  I am ready to be his cheerleader for the next 2 years, or whatever it may take.  Am I ready to not see his face every day, or not hear his voice every day?  No...but I think I can deal with that as it comes.  I am excited to receive letters in the mail and send him letters.  We did this for a short period of time while he was in Madison, WI for school and opening the mail every day to look for a letter was exciting!

When I think about what we are about to go through, I think of my grandparents.  My grandparents never met before they started talking.  My grandfather was at camp to enter World War II and a buddy of his (who I believe happened to be married to someone in my grandmother's family) was writing to someone and offered up my grandmother's name for him to write to.  (I could be a little off on details...but I know this is damn close!)  He started writing and my grandmother wrote back.  This is how their relationship began and blossomed from there on.  They were married for over 50 years and happy!  I have read some of these letters as my grandmother kept every single one she received from my grandfather, and she also has some that he kept from her.  It's an incredible story and I'm so glad that she kept the letters.  It's astonishing! :)  I can't help but think of that when I think of Aaron leaving and what we're about to go through.  Is it to this extreme?  No, but it still has it's own excitement! :)

I may not be ready for this...but if I want to keep what I have...I better get ready!  Every day I look for some type of inspiration or motivation that will show me how to be ready...I will need it every single day that he is gone.  I am excited at what could possibly come in 2 or 3 years...the potential to go somewhere with an amazing person.  Any suggestions on great ways to make a long distance relationship work would be much appreciated! :)  I'm looking at a long 2-3 years!!!

Til next time...:)

Early resolutions...

New years is just a few short weeks away...and surprisingly I've already been thinking of my resolutions!  I have really only made one in the past...and I actually stuck to it.  It was about 3 years ago I think, I made a resolution to run 3-5 times a week...and I stuck to it for 5 months! :)  ha  So my goal this year is to make some resolutions and actually stick to them for 12 months!  Lofty...but I can do it!

I'll wait for New Year's to get a little closer before I reveal my resolutions...I am going with more than 1!  I challenge you to do the same though.  Pick a resolution whether it's something to do with working out, saving money, reading more, eating healthier, spending more time with certain people, avoiding procrastination, or to write in a daily journal...just pick something and make it realistic! I get frustrated when I see or hear of people who make these lofty goals, when in all reality, they are virtually unattainable.  Will you actually work at something you know you can't attain?  No!  No one in their right mind will work towards something that is unattainable.  Give yourself room to adjust to all of the crazy things that life throws at you.  Running 3-5 times a week...that allowed me to run as few as 3 times a week or up to 5..so if one week was just jammed pack with stuff...I only had to find 3 days worth of time to go out for a run.  And I didn't put a specification on how far I had to run.  Just telling yourself to go run and actually doing it is so much better than saying oh I have to go run 9 miles today.  That's a daunting task I just put ahead of myself.  Leave yourself room to adjust!!!!

I'd love for you to share those resolutions with me! :)  And I hope to keep updated with your progress as we go! One of mine may have something to do with adding some pictures to this lovely blog...words are boring all the time!!  Who wants pictures?! :)  haha  Have a good one everybody!

chugging away...

I feel like I am on a constant roller coaster ride...and the pathetic thing is...I don't really like them!!!!  One day I feel great about what's happening...the next day I dread what might occur.  I often find myself telling myself (???what?!) to just be happy and go with it...it's like Dory from Finding Nemo...just keep swimming, just keep swimming.  "Just keep smiling, Just keep smiling."  eek!  

I finally think I've determined what I want to do when I'm finished with this master's degree...and the funny thing is...I don't need a master's degree in anything to do it!  But it requires 3-9 months probably of studying to prepare myself for the certification exam.  We're looking at May or June before I even think of taking the test.  Then it's job search time..and where.  Wellington (Mom, Dad, Megan, family would all love this!)?  Columbus (Frank and Miranda would love this!)?  Out of Ohio (Aaron would love this!)?  Where would I love to go?!  Not sure.  I'm afraid of being somewhere on my own without any friends or any family.  I would miss that security terribly.  But, I feel like there isn't much left in Wellington for me (growth wise).  I don't feel I would grow as a person if I went back there permanently.  I'll just have to wait and see I suppose....

On another note...Waiting...for certain words...certain gestures...from you...will they ever come?  Who knows?  How are you doing?  What's wrong?  Is everything ok?  Do you need anything?  I love you.  All things I am dying to hear.  Maybe I am expecting too much.  I am head over heels...but you are leaving...for an extreme period of time...and I won't hardly get to talk to you or see you.  Will I be strong enough to do it?  Is it worth it?  Only time will tell...

Lunges....3240 and counting!!!  Added weight to some of my lunges today....should feel it tomorrow.  Getting my ass in shape...now that's a priority if I've ever heard one! haha  Til next time...

It's been awhile...

It's been awhile...just over a week.  I lost my aunt to lung cancer this past week...such a short period of time between knowing about it and then losing her.  The last major memory I have of her being healthy (before we knew anything) was the Relay for Life dinner cruise on Lake Erie.  I had been on this cruise with her the past two years...and many other family members.  Based on stories I've heard over the past few days...this was typical of my aunt.  She was fun-loving, wild, crazy, a kid at heart.  And I feel I got the chance to witness some of that.  She didn't need alcohol to be a blast...she was just simply that way!  Dancing around the pole on the boat...I loved every minute of watching her...and I'm pretty sure she loved every minute that she was on that boat!  We didn't win much money that night...but we had an absolute blast with everyone!  I am glad that is one of the last memories I have of her being healthy....being 100% of who she was!

It's hard to think about never seeing her again...I will never get to laugh again with her...I will never get to just sit and chat with her.  What happens at this point?  At death?  Where does the soul go?  Does she live on in another realm?  Such a perplexing part of life...and we'll never really know what happens.  Maybe that's it...maybe that's where it all ends.  I hate to think that's how it is.

This event was something I hope to learn from.  Although it seems like we'll always have each other and our families...you honestly never know what will happen.  She was doing well two weeks prior...and now she's no longer with us.  I hate to say...it's such a cliche...something like this makes you have an appreciation for life and to not take for granted what you have.  I always say..oh I'll see them next week.  But you never know when you won't have that next week.

Running this week has proven to be a very good thing for me.  When I felt I couldn't deal with my aunt's death, I laced up the shoes and hit the pavement.  It's a perfect time to let your mind go...and not think about anything but the sound of your feet hitting the pavement...your breathing...the feel of your heart beating.  Thursday....51 minutes of absolute freedom...where nothing else matters at that point.  51 minutes where I can cry and yell and scream...and it will be just me.  Thank you running...I appreciate that!  Speaking of running...it's time to hit the pavement again.

I love you Aunt Peggy and will always remember your spunkiness! :)  May you rest in peace.